you make me
high
drunk
INTOXICATED
***
Friday, July 22, 2005
9:21 PM
i'm stressed. just practiced my scales. it SUCKED BIG TIME. i can't believe i was hearing myself play. i regret not having worked harder for my scales. i should have practiced more. i think this is only the 2nd time i'm practicing my scales at home. usually, i just play them during lesson. why. why am i so lazy! and so my hands were not cooperating today. my pieces came out terrible too. and i can't sing for nuts. so there goes aural. my only hope is sight reading, which i haven't realised practised when i'm supposed to. so there goes my grade 8. out of the window. AHHHHHHHHH! it's not supposed to be this way. piano means so much to me. i so BADLY want to pass! ARGH! God, please help me! forgive me for all my laziness, for all my procrastinating, for all those times i thought, "aiyar. it will be okay in the end." forgive me. please please please help me to pass! i need to pass soooooooo BADLY. i really do. help me LORD!!!
on the brink of tears. feeling so stressed about piano exam. piano is my.. passion. it soothes me. it comforts me. i love playing the piano. hence the stress. because i so badly want to pass. i need to pass. i need the reassurance that i can still play the piano well. that i can still pursue my passion. that reassurance will come if i pass my exam. sigh* am i being too demanding? i think i'm being very unfair to God. because time and time and time again, i get lazy. and don't work hard. and then find myself praying so desperately whenever the day draws near. begging God to let me pass. He hasn't failed me yet. even though i barely passed bio, i think that was God's wake up call to me. i wish it'd come earlier. then i'd have been more movtivated to practise harder for piano. i really want to pass. help me this last time Lord. be merciful unto me, a sinner.
why is it that the one you love most always hurts you the most? why is it that you always fail the subject you enjoy best? why is it that more often than not, your passion causes you the most tears? why?
"The Lord is not slack concerning His promise... He is not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance." 2 Pet 3:9
"The Lord is a stronghold for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. And those who know thy name put their trust in thee for thou, O Lord, hast not forsaken those who seek thee." Psalm 9:9-10
"The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?" Psalm 27:1
i needed some verses to encourage me. i feel a little better now. God's word never ceases to encourage and bless me. i shall be strong. and i hope that these verses will bless all you who read them too ((: just as much as they have strengthened me.
Be ye strong in the Lord.
love, huili.
princess*
huili
seventeen
29th Nov
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