tantalize your senses*

HAPPINESS!!! i love my poks. they help me to keep my sanity... despite the fact that it's 2 weeks to end of promos and i've barely started studying. =( but thank God for all their craziness and fun, which keeps me from getting all stressed out and depressed. with them, i feel so liberated, so.. joyful. POKS ARE MY HAPPINESS!!!
hearttt my poks.

justine pok: you ORIGINAL POK!!! my father's ex-boss' daughter (hahahah. finding out was WAY COOL!!) girl, you have been such an encouragement to me ((: thank God that He has made us classmates, because your good Christian testimony has blessed me and made me check whether i have been living for Christ as i should. so thank God for you! and even though you may ALWAYS bully me and suan and niao me, i still love you!!! and i know you love me too, you just won't admit it. hahahah. but thanks for being there, and thanks for being a sensible trustable friend who i know i can alway rely on. *huggs-

ruowei pok^2: GARBIE!!! lalalala. we garble!! ((: haahhhaa. y is for??? (and here you'll go: YOGHURT!) but oh wells. i know you're just dying to suan me back. lalalalala. anyway, my dear garbie, you have been such a GREAT friend. always there for me, to crap and scream and shout and make LOADS OF NOISE with. hahahahha ((: we really drive pok and pok^4 nuts!!! but hey. it's those times with you that i really feel very happy, cos' it's only then that i'm really me. so thanks for bringing out that hyper and noisy side of me. and for helping me destress. i love you garbie!!! (i bet you love me too, i'm so lovable :p) and i'll always be here for you.

kailing pok^4: DEAR!!! well. we've certainly gone through ALOT these past 9 months... and i'm glad we've come out of it all, more firm and close friends ((: that show our friendship is STRONG eh? it's not sth to mess with. thanks for understanding me, and for all the times you were there when i needed you. thanks for squealing with me about bimbo stuff, cos it really helps when someone shares your liking for such stuff (but that does NOT make us bimbos!! ((: ). it also helps that you really know how i'm feeling about.... yeah. i know you know what i mean ((: for that and more, i love you girl. and i'm sure the feeling's mutual. ((:

lalaalala. notice justine's is in orange, ruowei's in purple and kailing's in pink ((:
off to study, i've a lot of catching up to do. will be MIAing online till promos are over. i will keep to my resolution, unless i have to redo my eom before promos are over =( mug hard everyone.

i'm sorry things turned out this way. i wish they hadn't.. but they still did. and i'm sorry. i just want you to know that you're special and nice, and the fault's not with you. it's just i'm not able to appreciate you as a close friend.. go find better friends. cos it's my loss that i can't clique with you. i'm sorry for being such a bad friend these past 9 months. above all, i wanna say that God is always there for you ok? and He's the best friend you can ever have, and i'm glad He's your friend ((: *hug.

love, huili.

Tuesday, September 20, 2005
8:56 PM

i don't know why the aladdin song keeps replaying in my mind. hahahaha. shining shimmering splendid ((: ahhhh. so fairytale-ish. i LIKE ((: randomness again. oh wells.

photos ((:

somewhere out there*over the rainbow.

29th november nineteen-ninety-nine ((:
you. doing that thing you do.

yuppyupp. very special memories i'm sharing here. for the sake of kailing lah. hahaha ((:

imissyouandthosetimesyouwillalwaysbe.
tuckedawayinaspecialcornerofmyheart.
nonottuckedaway.butthereforevertostay<3

love, huili.

Sunday, September 18, 2005
8:54 PM

jun ru is so cute. she just sent me a card to wish me happy MAF. lalalala. im amused ((: i can't wait to go taiwan! and shoppp with her. she's fun to shop with!! and watch tv with her ((: which is fun to do together too.

go see this week's newsweek. you open the magazine to the middle page then place it face down. (ie: look at the back page and cover page side by side) what a PARADOX (lalalallal. i feel proud of myself for knowing how to use the word paradox! seeing as i'm not a lit student (since sec 2) and all. hahahha. isa, are you proud of me?). but really, go see. i was very sad when i saw it. a poor child's face with a single tear trickling down (victim of hurricane katrina) and brad pitt's smiling face advertising a rolex watch. sigh* and they're BOTH americans. what a strong contrast. (i should have taken lit. i love lit.) so.. thought-provoking (hahaha. sound familiar brendan?)

anw, it was only today in the afternoon service that i realised how much i miss ptr kortering's messages. he has this super powerful voice and way of bringing God's message across that really really makes you sit up and listen. ahhhh. i'll miss him when he goes back to the states (bring me with you!). but thank God that he's willing to come down on his own accord to help especially my church get through this ordeal. at least he fills the emptiness left by ptr cheah a little. i'm looking forward to his catechism classes :))

to kailing: hey. really, you should just ignore what happened yeah? forget about it. i dunno, i guess i have become numb to it, i just don't care anymore. i don't even think i want it to return to the way it used to be. yeah. maybe that's why i was more shocked than hurt. but yeah. know that huiling and i will be there for you ((: and i'm all you need. hahahahah. jking but yeah. you get what i mean right? *muacks!

please reply my postcard... i'm crossing my fingers. waiting.

love, huili.

Saturday, September 17, 2005
6:45 PM

i hate pw. i really do. it's like the BANE of my life. go awayyy. sigh* WR sucks. sucks sucks sucks. whatever. but thank you huiling and clement for immediately coming online when i needed you'll ((: then i don't have to be the formatter cum editor. yupyup. thanks. and *hugs to huiling for "hugging" me too and for the sms ((:

sigh* i'm so lagging in my revision for promos, i just don't want to think about it anymore. it's too depressing.

i'm getting random here. but whatever. who cares.

i miss rolling my eyes. i don't know why i stopped ever since coming to hwachong. i miss being remembered for my trademark rolling eyes in nanyang. i was a pro at it man. sigh* gone are the carefree fun-filled nanyang days. welcome to hwachong. "the school of no life" muggggg. i hate this side of hwachong. oh, and sadly. i doubt i'll ever love hwachong. yeah. oh wells.

this familiar longing is creeping up inside me again. the longing to be out of singapore. the longing to have been born somewhere else (read: michigan). the longing to see special special friends who are all overseas. the longing to see you. it just dosen't work. i cannot erase the memories. time will not make them fade. anyway, i don't want them to. i wish i could turn back time. and stop time there.

even though studying at sicc was unproductive, i still enjoyed myself there. cos i was with shuen! ahhhh. so much to catch up on. and i miss her craziness. and her musings. stupid rachel couldn't make it again. grrr. i don't care. i want a sleepover in the hols again. *folds arms and pouts*

i wish everyday could be a sunday. i love being in church. ((:

"i can do all things through Christ who strengtheneth me" -Phil 4:13

i will get EE for my pw. hah. that would show that stupid subject that i can master it. HI138 will master you, you stupid bane-of-our-lives subject.

randomness. i love randomness. so sue me. i don't care.

love, huili.

Thursday, September 15, 2005
12:59 AM

stop forcing me. i can't means i can't. i'm brain dead. you know what that means? i can't think of ANYTHING. so it's no point forcing me cos i'll just stone in front of the comp till 6 am. i know my limits. i'm sorry. i know i'm being irresponsible. but i can't do anything anymore. i'm SATURATED. and you know what? you made me cry. like i'm not stressed enough. so stop forcing me. cos i'm not going to give in to you. so there.

(the above was written in a fit of stress, anger, panic, whatever. you, do not take it to heart.)

love, huili.

Monday, September 12, 2005
8:36 PM

i'm fine. really. it's just that 4 deaths in the church in 2 weeks is too much to handle. too much for anyone to handle, i would say. but yet, He giveth the grace. thanks be to God for His unspeakable gift which gives us hope. because Christians die with a hope. not without. and anyway, dying is a passage to heaven. so yes, though we sorrow, we can still rejoice when a saint dies. because the death of a saint is precious to the Lord. ((: i'm fine. i'm moving on.. taking comfort in these words.

but... i miss LAURA!! ahhhhh. i never thought i'd miss her so much after she went back to the states! boo =( i guess i miss her all the more now cos i hardly see her on msn after her school started on sept 2. booo =( i envy her cos she gets to go to a school where everyone is Christian (hmmm.. no offence here) and where almost everyone comes from the same denomination (PRC). i really wish my parents had migrated last time. grrrr. why couldn't daddy like find a job there!?!? sigh* i hope she's enjoying herself in school!

anw,
annie: thanks for the testi babe! ((: i'll write you one after promos kay? yupyup. gotta MUGGGGG now!
and thanks everyone for your tags.. as you can see, i'm far to lazy to reply now. shuen, i guess you should read the previous posts. you'll know what i'm talking about. yupyup.

back after promos. gonna stay offline until them. hopefully i can keep my promise to myself. i NEED my 2 s papers. i NEED to pass bio. sigh*

so help me, Lord.

love, huili.

Thursday, September 08, 2005
11:50 PM

and i'm missing you so badly it makes me wanna cry.

love, huili.

i'm overwhelmed by my feelings again. can't even figure out what they are. i miss you.

love, huili.

Tuesday, September 06, 2005
5:03 PM

just came back from pw mtg. argh. pw really screws up my life! =( haven't started mugging. which is BAD. oh booboo. anw. did something on that art sketchpad thingy. quite proud of it!! ((: yupp. so here goes:

http://artpad.art.com/?imdzwko00v0 this is for my class. 05s75! we rock. esp after the bbq last night. heh.

http://artpad.art.com/?imdzlcaj0g this is for my sec1&2 clique. miss ya colours! sleepover soon!

http://artpad.art.com/?imdzadoq4tw this is well. i was bored. it dosen't really mean anything la. those words just popped into my head. ((:

yupyup. it's quite fun actually! i did the paintings in the order frm bottom to top. hahah. so that means i did the class one the last ((: okay. now i better start mugging. jiayou!

love, huili.

Saturday, September 03, 2005
12:29 AM

actually i've got loads of things to say. but i'm too lazy and tired to put it all down here. and i realise i've been blogging too often. which is ironic cos promos are coming! so yeah. all i really wanna say is, i think God has been glorified even in the death of pastor. and so i'm thankful ((: and i'm glad that pastor is at least in heaven now, praising the Lord God, and not having to bother with the sinfulness and wickedness and sadness and perverseness of this world. he has been glorified! and is now praising God, which i believe, is far better than being here on this sinful earth. praise be to God! although i'm still missing him and not accepting it yet, but i'm sure that when i do, i'll feel relieved and happy.

learnt this during the memorial service today: that we should really number our days and take inventory of all the sins we've committed (oh, how uncountable!) and pray really hard for forgiveness. "Lord, teach me to number my days, that i may apply my heart unto wisdom".

reply tags:

yahting: yes. and thank God that we have that hope in our Lord Jesus Christ. so we die with a hope. not without hope ((: and thank God you can go to church more regularly now!

annie: you take care too. i know what you mean. sometimes, i prefer to indulge in agony too. but in the end, we have to pull ourselves tog, by the grace of God, and start being a shining light for Him in this world again ((: *hug. be strong.

garbie: thank you dear. you don't really need to say ath, cos i know garbie will be there for fellow garbie always ((:

fel: thanks. you're always this encouraging, and i'm thankful for everything, esp your sms-es ((: yeah. sadly the tatty bear is ex. and yes, gg up on stage with everyone taking photo as a whole just melted my heart ((: you jia you for promos too k? you can do it!

zhu: hey darling. i've missed hearing frm you! sorry i cldn't realli catch up wif you tt day. but i miss you loads too. and thanks for being such a great sis-in-christ. all the time. ((: it's much appreciated.

huiling: hey. i want heart-to-heart with you too! don't sound so sad k? the world is not collapsing! it's just you're losing your optimism! cheer up girl! *hugggg. i shall chen4 pw and talk more wif you k?

kailing: hahaha. i left you for the last. cos most special mar ((: you've always been there when i needed you. thanks ((: and yes. hinting to everyone who reads it! hhahahha. i really wantttt. *melts. yes. we must get the keychain soon. and what bout neos? ((:

whew* done. what alot of tags. but thanks everyone. it's good to know that there are frens out there who care for me. oh, and thanks celeste ((: i dunno if you'll read this but, thanks for praying for my pastor, and for being so encouraging ((: love you in Christ!

nothing can separate me from the love of Christ. ahhhh. what a comforting thought.

love, huili.

Thursday, September 01, 2005
10:12 PM

i have gone through these days not in sadness, but with a mood that's neutral. which is supposedly good cos it shows i've moved on. but guess what? it's just cos the full impact of the situation hasn't hit me. i'm still numb from the whole thing. the swiftness and suddeness of it all. hence, it's easy for me to forget it all during the day and even manage to be happy cos i've not accepted it. so to me, it's like a bad dream. and bad dreams don't come to you in the day. sigh* i really don't wanna know what it's going to feel like when the whole situation suddenly impacts me totally. i know i will definitely feel.. i don't want to know.

so. yesterday i went back to ny after teacher's day celebrations. it was good to be back. and all the old girls who came back were invited on stage aft the tchrs day celebrations to take photos. and we did shan ge ((: ahhhh. i felt so touched. i almost cried. we were like.. one big family. in the truest sense of the word. i felt so at home. met mrs dvs, mrs chua, chai lao shi, mr tan! ((: ahhhhh. i <3>

so. went out shopping with kailing dear after that. had a great time talking. like really talking. heart-to-heart. it felt great. like.. i could finally share so much with someone in hc. ((: went to eat at taka. shopped for earrings for siok!! hope she likes them. miss her loads. we went to coffee bean. drank coffee. mutilated the poor oreo cheesecake :P and i saw this BIG me-to-you bear which i totally fell in love with!! ahhhhh. i want it soooooo badly! but it's like 114 bucks? booo =( it has a t-shirt on and says "someone loves you..." on the front. then the back says "me." ((: awwwww. i wantttt!!! ((: oh and i saw the new giordano disney collection! ahhhh. love the plastic bag! and the tinkerbell tank top! ((: someone can get me the plastic bag!! ((: i'll be soooooo happy ((: wanted to buy karin's prezzie at mufc shop. but the shop's so disappointing now! =( i was so sad. sorry karin!

sigh* i don't know why everything comes to me at night. i must have too much time alone with my thoughts then.

annie is right. this world sucks. but God is good. all the time ((: thank you Lord.

love, huili.